Parent-Child Relationship Milestones: Which Matter Most to You?

As parents, our external culture gives us a series of milestones for our children–a combination of an early warning system, emotional steam valve, development indicators and budget busters. You know them–first words, first time they say mommy or daddy, first steps, potty training, first day of school, religious markers such as communions or bar-mitvahs, school graduations, marriage, their first child and many others. The cycle of life with the all the notches as you move through it.

Now that my baby’s 10, I’ve got to admit, those are cultural milestones–the ones the outside world handed to me and I have go out and do something to mark them. There a whole lot of others no one told me about, that are as dramatic, as meaningful and usually a lot less expensive. They often go unnoticed because there is usually no party, photo or bill attached. These are those moments in time when the relationship between parent and child undergoes a subtle shift. They highlight a glimmer of personality, a blurring of formerly understood roles and rules, the opening of a whole new door. And as a result of these milestones, I found myself forced to let go of something (e.g. a perception, a fear, a responsibility). Here are some. The first time she:

held a bottle by herself and started to feed herself.
slammed her bedroom door because she was angry with me.
had a sleepover at a friend’s house.
lied to me.
asked about sex and the first time I answered her. (They were not the same time. The question came much earlier than I expected and I was not prepared.)
made me laugh when I was being grumpy and took the initiative to make the environment friendlier.
cleaned up without me asking.
planned her entire birthday party. I used to like the creative outlet of it.
swatted me away because I was embarrassing her. (Actually that can be quite a lot of fun.~evil mom laugh~)
stayed by herself. .

How about you? What are the milestones or moments no one told you about that had you recalibrating the parent-child relationship? Any of mine, you don’t agree with? I’d love to hear from you.